crying all the time

~showing off the boots they picked to wear to church

I read a blog post this morning and the woman said how everything makes her cry and then a bunch of her readers posted how they had children and they cry all the time too.  I was seriously starting to think something was wrong with me because I cry so easily and so often.

There is all this government drama going on and people on facebook are yelling back and forth at each other about how BAD/GREAT "Obamacare" is.  And they are being MEAN to each other, to people they like and respect.  I believe if they had the conversation in person they would never be so mean, but it's not in person, it's on social media and they are mean.  And then I start thinking about how someday people will be mean to my kids and I sit there and cry.

Lenorah says "HI" and waves to literally everyone she sees.  Most people see her and say HI back, but occasionally the person doesn't say HI, or maybe they don't notice her.  And again, I cry, because she is so sweet and innocent and she says HI to everyone because that is what comes naturally to her.  One day it will not, because she will "learn" that people are scary and not to be trusted and that you can't talk to strangers and they don't say HI back anyway, so she will stop.  And I cry because I wish she could be this happy bubbly adult who says HI to everyone she sees in the grocery store, wouldn't that be lovely?

Lenorah is the little sister and I was never the little sister.  Yesterday I watched as Dietrich and his friend told her no and didn't allow her in their "clubhouse".  I know this is how it works, I did it to my little brother too (oh yeah, I also cry about being mean to him when we were kids) but I cry, watching her try to figure out why her brother who plays with her all day long won't play with her now that his friend is over.

Dietrich has been telling me he doesn't want to go to preschool and we have had a couple of days where we fight to get out the door, and then I cry because I just want to sit with him all day at preschool like he keeps asking me to do over and over again.

When he gets home from preschool I question him trying to get out of him what he is doing all day long, because for the first time in his short life, I don't know.  And I cry because he doesn't remember and only tells me bits and pieces and it is the beginning of a time when I am afraid I will know very little about what is going on in his little life.  How he feels, how he is being treated, how he treats others, it will all be somewhat of a mystery.

I cry and cry and cry when I learn of someone I've only met once whose baby died at 37 weeks and she had to deliver her precious baby girl and may never know why she didn't come into the world crying like she should have.  I cry and cry and cry for her, her baby, her family, and the hole that is in their hearts.

I cry when I read about people doing amazing things for others, because people can be so amazing!  I cried when my friend's mom finished her second Iron(wo)man race.   I cry when Lightening McQueen gives up the race to help his friend across the finish line...I seriously have a problem.  This whole being a mom thing just puts those tears right on the verge and they come spilling out all the time! So if I try to tell you a story, happy or sad, I will probably cry.  I probably cried while writing this post...

Preschool!

Today I received the information about preschool for Dietrich.  I have been waiting and waiting and checking the mail because I am so ridiculously excited about preschool!  I didn't get to go to preschool because it wasn't readily available and also it was expensive.  And I love school!  I love the first day of school and I love getting new stuff for school and I just know I am going to love sending my little boy to school!

Next week we will get a postcard from his teacher and then I will learn who is first teacher is going to be!  The following week we get to go to his classroom and meet his teacher and see where he will be, and then the week after that he starts school!  We got our list of school supplies and I can't wait to go buy him glue-sticks, and dry-erase crayons, and a backpack that fits a 9x12 sheet of paper.  I called my mom this morning and told her about all the upcoming school stuff and how I want to cry because I am SO SO excited for him, he is going to love preschool!  And then I read this post about growing up/old and the start of school and then I started crying because oh-my-GOD he is STARTING PRESCHOOL.  

I've been a little worried about how he is perfectly potty trained but doesn't like to do any of it by himself.  I have to remind myself this is preschool, these teachers teach 3 year olds, they know that some of them still need help going to the bathroom.  This morning when he threw a fit and hit his friend because he wanted the toy I thought "he can't do that at preschool!" But he is three, and that is what three year olds tend to do, he won't be the first kid in a preschool class to throw a fit.  I don't have to tell the teacher that I am so excited for him but I've also never left him anywhere but with family, and oh my gosh how will I survive that?  That all of a sudden I'm afraid he will miss me and be upset and I just want him to be excited and have fun!  And now I'm not just crying because I'm so excited for him and all the fun he will have but because all of a sudden and without my realizing it this:

 Turned into this:

And he's going to preschool in just a few short weeks, leaving me for 3.5 hours two days a week and Lenorah and I will miss him during that short time and wonder what fun things he is doing without us.  Then he will come home and tell us about the things he made and the letters and numbers he is learning and he will make new friends!  (maybe I will make new friends too!) It will be wonderful and sad and exciting and anxiety inducing and we will all love it.