Dear GE...

Dear General Electric Company:

23 years ago your company made this monstrosity of an oven. Apparently it was very popular with the company building houses in my neighborhood because I have discovered I am not the only one to own this big, black, appliance:

I am sure that in the 23 years since you built this oven you have learned that a zillion nooks and crannies is not a good idea on something where food is cooked, spilled, and burned. It is impossible to clean out these crannies. Trying this sort of deep cleaning will most likely result in deep cuts and near-serious blood loss. Now, why would you put sharp straight edges around the areas I want to clean? I am sure that other men and women who try to clean these appliances have shared this problem with you and I am sure that you no longer make ovens that are so lethal to those trying to clean them. Why, you might ask, do you continue to try and clean this man eating oven? Is that really a question that you should be asking of someone who still has blue Formica counter tops that were in style in the late 80's and are peeling off in several places? Of course I still have this monstrosity of a crazy child eating, thumb removing, oven because the blasted thing continues to work. Even the weird rotating clock continues to tell the correct time, and dinner is rarely even burned. Also, ovens are not cheap and as everyone here can recall we had to remodel our bathroom which took all the money we have. We will now have to wear jeans with holes and eat nothing but rice and potatoes, and hike 7 miles up hill in the snow. So GE, if you are feeling the least bit sorry about building this terrible, ugly, finger slicing, dirty cranny, monstrous oven, you can fix the issue by sending one of these my way:

Thank you,

Keely